Not For A Reason

Things don’t happen for a reason. Things happen because people make choices. Lauren chose to lie and cheat on me. I chose to allow it. She chose to disappear from my life. I chose to feel extreme pain.

I now choose to move on. I am still not ready to date, because I need time to myself. But I have brought friends back into my life that I cut out when I dated her.

I have been applying for job promotions in other cities. I am back in the gym 3-5 times a week. I yoga twice a week. I go out again. I go to counseling.

I laugh again. I’m looking forward to my first night of good sleep. Soon, I hope.

Born Free

I finally broke through to the “acceptance” stage of grief.

Sweet relief!

She made a point to bring her new boyfriend by my office door and had a gawky conversation using a voice and words that sounded like awkward daytime script. Forced playfulness for the benefit of the audience.

I felt no pain. No sadness. I just kept working.

Ten weeks. It took ten weeks to be set free from her toxicity. I feel as though I pushed through a terrible membrane, and now I’m breathing. Fresh air.

I see her for who she really is now. I finally see what my friends warned me about when I first started dating her. It’s like using my eyes for the first time.

I have so much that I want to say, but I haven’t slept much in ten weeks and I’m exhausted. It’s time to get some peaceful sleep.

So I will just say that I’m so grateful that it’s over. I learned so much about myself over the last year. More later.