I forgive you for the lies you told me the entire year we were together.
I forgive you for cheating on me.
I forgive you for the STD you gave me and then lied about, as I choked on the chalk water they made me drink at the hospital.
I forgive you for abandoning me with no explanation.
I forgive you for the way you twisted the knife, by parading men around in front of me.
I forgive you for your continuing harassment.
I forgive you.
I forgive you, because I need to do so in order to forgive myself too.
And now, I’m moving past you.
Being single feels like failure. I’m still in pain from my breakup and every instinct in me tells me to frantically find someone to distract me, to help me avoid the pain, to help me create the illusion of being okay again. She moved on less than 24 hours after we broke up. It’s been six weeks and I can’t imagine being intimate with anyone else.
Take a quick scroll through Instagram, and realize that a beautiful face is very ordinary.
Inner beauty is extraordinary. Inner beauty transforms the way others see you. People with inner beauty flourish before the eyes of others and these people become even more attractive as time goes by.
When you look in the mirror, do you hate your face?
Are you not accepting that you are a wonderful person, capable of creating happiness and positive connections with others?
Physical beauty fades. There are no exceptions to this rule. Become the person you were meant to become, and realize that you cannot become this person by simply putting on clothes or makeup. True beauty lies within the heart.
Beautiful faces smile even though their teeth aren’t straight, their eyes aren’t perfectly symmetrical, their nose doesn’t look just right in photos. Still, they smile. They are beautiful because of their acceptance. Acceptance of self. Acceptance of others.
Don’t use social media as the framework for your self-image. This will lead you down a path of self-loathing, and zero tolerance for the imperfections of others. This is one of many paths towards loneliness and regret.
When we reach the bottom, the absolute bottom, when we feel like we can’t go any further down, and that the only answer is to leave this world and the pain behind, we die.
Some of us put guns in our mouths and die a mortal death. But many of us will remove the guns from our mouths, find a way to get up, pick up the pieces, start over. In that moment we only die a spiritual death… We are reborn again in the same bodies.
We are surrounded by people who have experienced this death and rebirth within the same bodies. We brush past these people as we focus on daily distractions from our pain. But take notice, because these people are closer to the truth than we can imagine.
The spiritual death and rebirth takes place when we are at our lowest and yet survive. In our darkest moments we are forced to face our fear; we are forced to work through our pain and despair. We are forced to eventually accept the loss of what we thought we couldn’t live without, and then begin to realize what truly matters in our lives. Some of us will spiritually live and die many times over in the span of a mortal lifetime. Each rebirth is a transformation we make as we get closer to our true selves.
Loss is painful, but it is a crucial part of our path. A necessary waypoint. In order to move forward, we have to walk through it. To walk around it, to avoid the pain of our loss, is to leave our path.
I wish she was holding my hand right now. I cannot escape her memories
In the chasm between insomnia and heartbreak lie the devil and this website.